The Key To Self-Confidence

I’ve just finished a planning meeting for my blog posts for the next month… phew!

Fair warning, they’re all pretty intense. I don’t know why, but I’m in a bit of a deep mood at the moment, so all the ideas I’m having are pretty deep and I’m attempting to be motivational :)

I get mixed reviews about in-depth posts; some of you love them and want more, but some of you don’t like them as much. Hence why I try to mix up the deep and the lighter content.

Tell me your thoughts on the matter in the comments below; as ever I’d love to know what you guys think.

On a lighter note, today I’m doing a post about a question that I get asked a lot. The key to self-confidence.

Now, I wouldn’t consider myself an expert in the art of self-confidence or anything, but lots of people have asked me about my self-confidence and how I have the confidence to run a public social media profile, or to film YouTube videos, or to put my written work out on the internet where people can judge you.

Honestly, sometimes it’s quite difficult, and I wouldn’t normally have an answer for this. I’d probably say something funny in an attempt to change the subject when asked a direct question about how I do what I do and my confidence levels.

Because, you see, I would not describe myself as a confident person. I never have been. If anything, I’m a bit awkward. I’ve always thought of myself as a socially awkward person, and that trait doesn’t usually go hand-in-hand with a lot of confidence.

So, I thought I’d talk a little bit today about this confidence that you guys seem to think I have, and, if I can, explain it to you a little.

Self-confidence can be many different things to different people. It can be simply believing in yourself. It can be expressing yourself. It can be introducing yourself to a group of strangers.

To me, I perceive my self-confidence as fighting against my inner introvert. And it’s an ongoing journey that I often have off days with.

The introvert in me would like in an ideal world to stay at home all day every day, reading and writing. She wouldn’t go into social situations because they scare her. She wouldn’t introduce herself to new people because she is worried about what people think about her. She would never post

anything online because she is terrified of negative comments.

In short, she would make her life so impossibly safe and small that it really wouldn’t be worth living at all.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; my confidence in big groups of people began to grow from the old saying “fake it ‘til you make it”. I told myself that I was confident and could go up to people and introduce myself. I told myself I could be myself. I told myself I was an extrovert and that the situation wasn’t scary.

And slowly but surely, it became true. Now I go into a large group of people, walk up and say “Hi, I’m Roxanne, what’s your name?”

The second stage of building my confidence after changing my introverted attitude was changing the way I perceived myself. I became comfortable in my own skin. Sounds simple, but was nowhere near.

I learned the valuable lesson that the first step to getting other people to accept you is

accepting yourself first.

I’m not like many of the girls my age. I never really have been. I don’t like partying or nights out. I’m never up to date with the trends or style seasons. I don’t have a boyfriend to take #relationshipgoals photos with.

To be clear, I don’t say that as a criticism of those girls. In fact, I spent a great deal of my earlier teen years wanting to be more like them. I thought that I would be more popular if I was more like the people around me.

But I’m just not. That’s not the person I am. I’m different, and that’s a good thing. That was a hard lesson to learn, but I got there eventually.

I stopped criticising my wonky smile. I stopped worrying about my conservative style choices. I stopped overthinking every action because it wasn’t the same as everyone else.

I embraced my geeky attitudes and Shakespeare obsession. I embraced my Bridget Jones-esk mannerisms. I embraced my over-enthusiastic hand actions and facial expressions.

I finally realised that being myself was the best thing I could be. And that if people didn’t like that person, that was their problem not mine. It was not a direction for me to change anything about myself.

If I could go back and tell younger me one thing, that would be it. Don’t change to “fit in”.

Since I can’t, I hope a few of my younger readers might take the advice of a wizened old eighteen-year-old:

Be you. Instead of hiding all those beautiful parts of your personality that you’re insecure about, wear them like a badge of honour.

And sure enough, you’ll find people who wear the same badges. To save you a LOT of time, I’ll tell you now that they’re your real friends. They will understand you, and never ask you to change. And you can all be confident together. Because when you feel accepted and understood, you naturally feel more confident. That’s just fact.

And then, third and final step for me was that I mixed my new-found self-appreciation with a good dose of bullet-proof-ness.

You may wonder what I mean by that. I decided at some point (and I can’t tell you exactly when it was because it gradually snuck up on me) that I didn’t want to define myself by other people’s comments. So, whatever people said or wrote about me didn’t matter.

I suppose the best way to explain it was that I realised I didn’t care what anyone other than me thought.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate and look for kind comments and a positive energy around my work. I do, and every time I read or hear something positive, it makes me glow on the inside.

But, when people are nasty or critical, as is common when there is the façade of the internet to hide behind, I remind myself that it doesn’t matter.

If your big aim is to go into some career in media, whether that’s as an actress, singer, blogger, YouTuber or whatever else, my one warning to you is that you need to develop this final skill.

People can be brutal. And often, the most heart-breaking part is that they didn’t mean it to be that harsh.

So, your only option is to think like Sia: “I’m bullet-proof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away.”

I figured out a long time ago that you can’t succeed if you don’t try. It doesn’t matter how nervous you are about the results you might get. It doesn’t matter what the little voice in your head says about that photo, or that video, or that post.

What matters is that you have to try it. For yourself. For the dreamer inside who wants to succeed.

And whatever happens, you have to remember that you gave it a go. You threw caution to the wind and stuffed a metaphorical sock in the mouth of your little voice. You showed the world what it was that you wanted to say.

I tell myself that every time I have doubts. And I have them more than you’d think. I remind myself that whatever the outcome, I was honest. I shared a little part of my soul. And that is the most magical thing we as humans can achieve.

I hope in some remote way that answers your question. I do what I do because I love it. It’s not always easy, but I always dust myself off and get back into the fight.

And I am confident in myself because I appreciate the person that I am. I know who I am, and I acknowledge every part of myself, the good and the bad.

If any of you want to talk to me more about self-confidence or your personal stories and feelings, feel free to comment below on this post or message me on Instagram (@roxyelle01) for a chat. I always answer <3

#thekeytoselfconfidence#roxyelle#selfappreciation